February 16: "woke up this morning..."

Sketches in the snow-lit morning

 

Yesterday I finally came to the realization that I wasn't going to transfer to a four-year university in the fall.  And it was hard.  It was hard because I really thought this was going to be easier.  It was hard because I have been procrastinating for weeks.  So, in some ways, this is really all my fault.  And you know what?  I feel pretty stupid.  I feel like a failure.  But, at the same time, I've spent a lot of the last few weeks examining my motivations for returning to school.  And I was beginning to realize that a lot of the interest in school actually had nothing to do with me.

Last night I went home after a crazy day of work, and with some very early classes this morning, and I expected to lose it.  But after a late dinner with my wife, I started designing.  And by the time I went to bed last night, I'd designed a whole new sewing/quilting pattern.  And it felt.... Right.  Like maybe this was the right place to be.  Then, when I woke up at 2:30 am (and was awake for 2 1/2 hours), I designed some more.  So yes, I'm disappointed.  I feel like I've let myself down.  But, at the same time, maybe this where I'm supposed to be, after all the agonizing over my decisions.  And you know what else?  I can still apply for the spring semester.

So, be on the lookout for up to 6 new patterns from me in the coming weeks.  I can't wait to show you what I'm working on!

 

* lyrics from Woke up This Morning by A3